Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
