my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
