I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
