Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
