In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
