She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
