Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
