i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize