we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
