True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
