Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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