Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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