Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
