i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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