I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
