my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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