my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
