Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
