how can u be prego again
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
