She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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