hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
