so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
