He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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