So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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