Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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