Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
