Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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