Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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