she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
