We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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