can we get nightvision for the apartment?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
