Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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