i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
