You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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