Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
