WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
