Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
