yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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