When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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