i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
