I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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