what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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