last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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