Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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