I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
