You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
