oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
