Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
