I wannas sexs uuuuu
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Boobs are out for the taking
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
