so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
