Four minutes until I can fart!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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