woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
