i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
