Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
