Moan for me like Helen Keller
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
