if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
