Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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