Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I wear drunk well.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
