When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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