there's paper in my vomit.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
