Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
