Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
