dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
