This show inspires me to have sex in space
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
