Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
COCAINE IS GR8
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