Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
