so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
