I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
