You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
