I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
