so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
