Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
