If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
