Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
