3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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